The more porn you watch the less attractive your girlfriend is to you. via Porn, Novelty and the Coolidge Effect | Psychology Today
The Coolidge Effect is an ancient biological program that can override your sluggish contentment after orgasm if there are new mates begging to be fertilized.
What happens when you drop a male rat into a cage with a receptive female rat? First, there’s a sexual frenzy. Then, the male progressively tires of that particular female. Even if she wants more he has had enough. However, replace the original female with a fresh one, and presto! The male revives and gallantly struggles to fertilize her. You can repeat this process with fresh females until he nearly dies of exhaustion. Scientists know this phenomenon as the Coolidge Effect and it has been observed in females, too.
Too much synthetic stimulation can make your mate look like cold oatmeal. According to a 2007 study, mere exposure to a series of images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life partner. He rates her lower not only on attractiveness, but also on warmth and intelligence. Also, after pornography consumption, subjects in a 2006 study reported less satisfaction with their intimate partner—including the partner’s affection, appearance, sexual curiosity, and performance.
Even a few short decades ago, sex with a warm, receptive mate generally provided more dopamine than masturbating (again) to a sticky Playmate. After all, once Miss July was thoroughly “fertilized,” you got less of a dopamine hit from her airbrushed curves. You had to wait for Miss August. Then came adult stores. But how many times could you get off to the same video before it was time to fetch a new one? (Paying for porn…how quaint.)
Today’s Internet porn, in contrast, offers endless fireworks at the click of a mouse. You can hunt (another dopamine-releasing activity) for hours, and experience more novel sex partners every ten minutes than your hunter-gatherer ancestors experienced in a lifetime. Dopamine hit after dopamine hit can induce a drug-like altered state. (Cocaine, for example, owes its high to excess dopamine circulating in the brain.) It’s powerful enough to override your brain’s normal sexual satiation mechanisms after orgasm.
I have been masturbating to static porn images since I was a teenager. I never had a problem with ED until around 6 years ago. The problem began with access to free streaming Internet porn. As connection speed increased, so has the overwhelming availability to view as much as I could handle. I ended up rewiring my brain to get aroused only by masturbating to porn. I am in a relationship with a wonderful, gorgeous woman for the last 4 years and have notice a gradual decline in my libido and a rise in ED.
I’ve written about this before. Besides the obvious value and emotional satisfaction that comes from something deeper, there are real world costs for swimming in this stuff.
People in corporations often say, “It’s business, it’s not personal.” But this simply isn’t true.
Great article. Read the whole thing.
Playing hard to get is a timeworn technique for snagging that desired significant other. And there’s a reason, say Stanford researchers. Being rejected increases many people’s motivation to pursue that elusive objective—with a vengeance.
But there’s a catch. It turns out that being rebuffed, in fact, makes people less fond of what it is they think they want more. Once they obtain the desired goal, many are quicker to lose interest in it.
“When someone is thwarted from obtaining his original desire, he, in fact, comes to find the attractiveness and appeal of his target to be diminished. Yet, perversely, he may feel he wants it even more. The thrill becomes the chase.”
In the study, participants were asked to solve several puzzles and were told that if their performance was in the top 25th percentile, they would receive a gift. Then, at random, some were told they had met the goal, while others were told that they had not.
Those who were denied the gift were then asked how much they would be willing to pay for it in a store. Participants who did not receive the gift were willing to pay more for it than those who later did actually receive it. “This shows that being rejected made them want it more,” says Shiv.
“Jilted” participants then completed a second set of tasks to obtain the same gift, and all were told they had won. They were subsequently asked whether they would like to trade the item for another of equal value. Significantly more subjects who had been denied the gift the first time were willing to trade it away than those who had received it on round one.
Brilliant study. I love seeing the whole playing hard to get game get downplayed by a study.
Bhutanese believe happiness equals wanting what you have — imagine gratitude — divided by having what you want — gratification. The Bhutanese aren’t on some aspirational treadmill, constantly focused on what they don’t have. Their religion, their isolation, their deep respect for their culture and now the principles of their GNH movement all have fostered a sense of gratitude about what they do have. How many of us here, as TEDsters in the audience, spend more of our time in the bottom half of this equation, in the denominator? We are a bottom-heavy culture in more ways than one.
The reality is, in Western countries, quite often we do focus on the pursuit of happiness as if happiness is something that we have to go out — an object that we’re supposed to get, or maybe many objects. Actually, in fact, if you look in the dictionary, many dictionaries define pursuit as to “chase with hostility.” Do we pursue happiness with hostility? Good question. But back to Bhutan.
Bhutan’s actually bordered on its north and south by 38 percent of the world’s population. Could this little country, like a startup in a mature industry, be the spark plug that actually influences a 21st century of middle-class in China and India? Bhutan’s actually created the ultimate export, a new global currency of well-being. And there are 40 countries around the world today that are actually studying their own GNH. You may have heard, this last fall, Nicolas Sarkozy in France, announcing the results of an 18-month study by two Nobel economists, focusing on happiness and wellness in France. Sarkozy suggested that world leaders should stop myopically focusing on GDP and consider a new index, what some French are calling a “joie de vivre index.” I like it. Co-branding opportunities.