Finding a Life Manual

What are some ways people integrate humor into their life philosophy, and what are the costs and benefits?

Humor is extremely individualized, and its implications can be far reaching.

You use it to express how you feel, but in a creative way.

Feeling + creative expression = the best use of humor in life.

So how exactly do you use creative expression, together with humor? Did you watch Borat? There was actually a humor instructor in Borat, and that instructor would teach Borat things like “Say something you don’t believe and then say “not” afterwards. It’s really funny.” Of course Borat would try to do that, and it would be all awkward. Why was it awkward? Simply because he was trying to be successful.

If you’re serious, ask yourself if you actually want to be funny.

Being funny is one way that people are judged in life : “Is he funny or not?” But who cares? First of all, no one really cares whether you’re that funny, if you don’t. People who are pretty serious can get along fine in life, provided they hang out with other people who are serious. Just find your niche.

Ask yourself if you get bored of yourself.

The thing about humor is … it’s not just about making others laugh. That’s too servant-ly.

Ask yourself if you get bored of the way you express things. Find more creative ways to say things.

I would get bored if I didn’t express my feelings in different ways. I don’t actively try to do this. It just happens. If I want to say something in a funky way, I do it. If I want to do what’s unexpected, I do it. It’s not so much about trying to make others laugh - it’s more something just happens because it has to. My own life and the way I express myself has to be interesting - to me.

Let me give you some humor examples from my six year old nephew, because he’s an incipient pro. Look at how the humor delivers feeling in a creative way. Here are some things he’s said to me recently:

• “You’re a trash can. I can litter on you.” (Brilliant as it creates an excuse for him to throw things at me, which he loves, and it comes naturally from the idea of throwing trash.)
• “I’ll buy a book about your butt if you write one.” - 6 yr old nephew (brilliant because he puts down my desire to make him read, while at the same time making fun of my butt - which is among his favorite past times).
• ‎”You’re such a shinhead.” - 6 yr old nephew cleverly avoiding swearing.
• My 6 year old nephew puts me in my place. I tell him he has hot dog breath and he breathes all over me. Foul, yet funny. (He got me back for my comment.)
• “Can God see through stuff? Can he see through anything? Well he better not see my wenis!” - my six year old nephew
• “You’re actually on time this time” -my six year old nephew, putting me in my place.
• ‎”Garbage mouth, T-rex mouth, T-rex teeth, trash mouth, giant eater” - great nicknames my 6 year old nephew came up with to describe me and my appetite.

Here are some that don’t involve my nephew:

• I was joking around with a girl with really high heels. She said “Insecurity will drive you new heights.” (Why is that funny? Well it was damn funny to me. It expresses her genuine feeling of insecurity, and there’s a double meaning embedded because it makes her taller. She just came up with it. She wasn’t trying etc.)

• A guy farted at the gym. The other guy said “That’s not what was meant by let out air as you push up the weight.” (It’s funny because of the double meaning, and it’s also creative. I should say, at least it’s funny to me. Humor is so individualized.)
• “At the convenience store in a small town, my friend makes sure to get her Star Magazine in a paper bag. Tabloids are the new porn.” (This is damn funny to me. It’s observational comedy in the sense it’s a simple observation, but yet there’s something slightly incongruous about it.)
• When it was time to pack up a picnic, someone said “Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.” (To me that’s funny because it references a pretty famous song.)
• “I can’t stand gossip. Let’s talk about people who gossip. I can’t stand them.” (To me this is funny, because it’s completely ironic. It’s a great way to put a break in a conversation.)
• Her: There are too many buffets in Utah. Me: marriage is a buffet in Utah. (To me that’s funny because it’s just true, and the conversation naturally went that way.)
• Everyone is so energetic when you’re hungover. (This is also just funny because it’s true.)
• When you’re hungover the sound of people’s voices is like a bird attacking you.(Another on the same vein.)
• I love it when a little sexual innuendo squirts out of a joke. (Funny because there is innuendo in this statement.)
• I love Maine because people know what the important things are in life. My friend from Maine asked his wife what planking was and she said “putting planks on deck.” (To me this funny because it pokes fun at craze and talks about the isolation of Maine. It expresses truth in a funny way.)
• When it comes to dads’ bathing suits, go loud or go home. (Observational)
• I’m health focused. I saw this green-brown water in a clogged toilet and thought “A lot of vegetables went into that.”(Works on a lot of levels. Counter to expectations.)

Every single example I used here I either was there at the exact moment when someone close to me said it or I said it myself.

There are a few major theories of humor. I studied them at Stanford when I took courses on humor theory and comedy writing. I’ve written research papers using these theories to dissect comedic writing. Anyway, briefly, here are some prominent theories on why some humor is successful:

• Superiority theory. The basic idea is that a joke makes you feel superior to someone else. It’s like haha - look what an idiot that other person is.[1]
• Incongruity theory. The basic idea is that things which are incongruent with expectations can evoke laughter.[2]
• Relief theory. The basic idea is that humor helps defuse a tense situation and say what hasn’t been said overtly.[3]

There are plenty of others. Theories of humor are interesting, but I don’t think they should be viewed as guideposts. As I see it, it’s really better in life to be free.


So back to your question. What is the benefit of all this?

The benefit of using humor is that your life can be more fun. Additionally you can use humor to say things and imply things that you might otherwise have trouble saying. Hopefully I’ve given enough examples of that sort of thing above.

Ideally, as I said, humor goes deeper than simply watching a sitcom or joking around with friends, because it involves the expression of an underlying feeling. In other words, with a sitcom, the situation is often funny. That’s why it’s called a situation comedy. Sometimes with friends, situations can be funny, and you can have sort of surface level silliness - which can be great, but the more satisfying type of humor is the type that can go deeper.

Let me give you an example.

• My friend told his girlfriend he hates the number 4. She told him she hates the number 3. He said “Looks like we’re getting married in 2015 then.” She said “No 2012.” (This situation is kinda tense, but you can see how he uses 2015 to express his very strong desire to wait. It’s an example of how humor can be used to express something meaningful.)

So yes, humor can be used superficially and on a deeper level.

So yes, humor is integral to most people’s life philosophy on an unconscious level. It just squirts out on a regular basis in conversation and it can deliver emotion with depth. It’s one of the best things about life.

The costs are pretty much nil - unless you’re the type who prefers seriousness and the benefits are that life is more fun.

In your question you mention the use of irony, satire, slapstick and absurdity. These are more ways to categorize humor, but really any categorization can be confining except for the idea that the best humor is creative in some ways. Irony is that which is exactly counter to expectations. Some humor thrives that way, but rather than attempt to learn ironic humor or one of the other schools of humor, I actually think it’s more productive and original to just be creative in your own life.

It’s not that you should try to be funny. Simply be aware of your desire to be funny and just think about that a lot. Gradually your priorities will shape you.

You ask about the costs of humor on a deeper level. You mention the idea of never taking anything seriously enough to succeed. That’s not what humor is about. Humor is about having feelings, having goals, wanting success, but expressing those desires in a creative original way. So that’s actually not a potential cost. Yes, humor does make it easier to walk away from failures in that if you’re a fundamentally happy, funny person, it becomes easier to find fun in anything in life and in any life story.

I get that you’re asking a bit of philosophical question. To what extent should you integrate humor into the depths of your personality? To what extent should you simply think everything in life is funny? To what extent should you take nothing seriously? I think the answer to that is simply - no. Humor should not replace the fundamental core of feelings, the cluster of emotions that create desires and underpin personality. It’s not that everything is funny - your emotions have more validity and are more important to your happiness than any drive you might have towards humor. They are serious, and yet you can still enjoy life and humor and creative expression that helps make life the amazing, enjoyable experience that it is.


It’s possible to take humor further.

If you get bored of your typical pattern of actions that humor could allow to be more creative about the actions you take in life, and that’s one way in which humor could add additional value.

So if you’re tired of doing things in one life, or that bothers, try a different way.

That’s actually a recipe for increased creativity, at least according to some of the creativity books I’ve read, one example there being Roger von Oech’s A Whack on the Side of the Head. The idea is that if you use humor to vary your routine in life, you will get in a pattern of thinking more creatively in general which could lead to breakthroughs in your career and other aspects of your life.

The downside might be that you might get a bit distracted if you a have a serious, methodical task to complete.

The other benefit of this would be that you would likely have more experiences and more interesting experiences in life as well. Broadly, it’s way to have a better, fun, memorable life.

[1] http://science.jrank.org/pages/9715/Humor-Superiority-Theory.html
[2] http://science.jrank.org/pages/9716/Humor-Incongruity-Theory.html
[3] http://science.jrank.org/pages/9714/Humor-Release-or-Relief-Theory.html